Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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