You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
