Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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