i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
