I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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