I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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