Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
