there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
