He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
