So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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