So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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