i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm eating all of the evidence.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize