this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
