My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
