dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
