I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I have aggressive nipples.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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