apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
