I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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