i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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