I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Randomize
