My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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