I love black thongs
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
