I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
