chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
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