I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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