Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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