ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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