new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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