those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
