Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
