If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
