Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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