Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I just want nice things and good sex
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
