I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
