i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
