You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
