i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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