i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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