I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I am naked and annoyed.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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