talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
