ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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