I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
