Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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