I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
