i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
