It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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