How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
So much rum. So many feels.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
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