The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Pooping to opera.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
