Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
