So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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