I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
