No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I cut my penus on the lid.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
