I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
