Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You're a waste of cheezeits
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
