She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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