I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I would fuck him just for his dog
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
