You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
