Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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