Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
