What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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