Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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