I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize