so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
