areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
