We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
