I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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