I'm jealous of your bromance
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
birth control should be required to get into college
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
