hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
