Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You're like the curious george of whores
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
