around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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